The End of Sophomore Year // Status Report // May 29th, 2018

Sophomore ended with me having to accept the inevitable – an F in my art history class. To the teacher’s defense, your overall grade depended on three tests and one paper. In my defense, the tests don’t cover all the material you learn in class and call it poor study habits, but the ones you linger on are usually the ones that don’t make it to the test. You’d think the works of art that the teacher lingers on for fifteen minutes would be part of the tests. Nope. My art history class helped me realize that teaching art history is a thankless job. Most kids won’t even remember the course once they move on to their major courses. It’s difficult to test on art history too – I sympathize for the art history teachers. Looking at a powerpoint for two and a half hours won’t help you learn. It helps you memorize. You aren’t learning anything.

In my defense (again), I wasn’t laying around doing nothing. With the firing of three baristas and having to train four new ones with my coworkers, I was reaching full time hours each week. I wasn’t procrastinating the entire time, but I admit: once my grade reached a certain point, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to bring it up. I told my mom to prepare her (and myself) and then my advisor told me I could save my GPA. This is the first class I’ve failed in my life, so. . . I rather it not have been a college class, but if I can save my GPA, keep my scholarships, and retake the course, then I’ll do it.

I did just fine in my other classes, though. I have to withdraw from the class to keep my GPA intact and luckily for me, my scholarships will cover the retake course. I made a portfolio in my CMPA (computer arts) class and I appreciate the workload we had in that class because I learned the basics of four Adobe programs: Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, and After Effects.

As for the short story class, it was interesting. I realized the important of writing short stories and writing them well, with enough development for the characters and the setting, which in turn helps the readers grasp the world the story is in and the characters as people.

“Me Time” is getting harder to follow through with. I’ll find myself having moments where I want to get up and paint, knit, or (learn how to) play ukulele, or even edit Blood of the Fallen, but within seconds, the thought tires me out before I make it out of bed and then I’m stuck in bed, bored and sick of being bored, but too tired to do anything. I’ve felt like this since January (if I’m going to be honest) and to pile that on top of going to work and class, I think I did pretty good this year, given the circumstances. I’m not proud of that F by any means, but it’s my only F. Does that make sense?

Editing Blood of the Fallen isn’t going well. I’m still in a block, but I’ve identified the problem: Lucy. I base too many of my female main characters off of myself and now that I’ve changed in certain aspects, I can’t hear Lucy as clearly because part of her was based on an older version of me. I also don’t like the idea having Lucy and Cynthia talk through Lucy’s old memories and making sense of them.

I’d rather skip that part and jump right into the action of Lucy with her old friends, fighting off werewolves, but that’s not how the story goes. We see Lucy refuse to be a part of her old life, avoid all the Keepers for a short while, and then she eventually comes around for her safety. I know the story needs that, but do I want to write that? Right now? No. 😦

I guess I’m getting tired of editing, which makes sense. This will be my third editing year once this summer comes. I finished the first draft of Blood of the Fallen in the summer I graduated high school. Junior year’s summer rolls around and what am I doing?

Still editing. . . . but I can’t give up.

As far as the vlogging goes, I’m slowly getting over the insecurity of my eyes not being the same size. I think part of the problem is eye strain from my contacts – particularly for my right eye because I’ve noticed that the strain will make him shrink a bit. I’m working through it, on top of a new problem coming back that is causing more insecurities. Everything will be okay, but just know that I’m fighting myself pretty hard here. I always seem to be.

I’ve been meaning to write about all this stuff much sooner than now, but I finally made it. I guess I felt enough mental relief to sit down and blog. Every blog post is a victory for me, just like every vlog will be, once I start making them. It’s hard to put yourself out there and even though you can’t see my face when I blog, it’s still . . . a bit vulnerable. Eh.

I hope you all have a good rest of your week. I’ll see you soon.

-KHW