Anxiety & Me: A Glimpse Into My Mind

As I’ve said before: being productive is a stressor for me. It doesn’t help my depression (because some days, I have to force myself out of bed), but knitting is definitely a coping mechanism for me (when I’m not too depressed to knit). When I want to be productive, but I don’t have the energy spoons to do so, I try the following:
How I Cope: knitting, listening to music, writing about what I’d like to be doing. Sometimes writing about what I’d rather be doing will override the lack of energy in my brain. Writing about it makes it seem more bearable. Sometimes obsessing over it (worrying like no tomorrow) will do that, too, and actually help me get up and do it.

Sometimes when I come home, I’m too tired to do anything. In my previous posts, I mentioned struggling with this. The correct word is fatigued. My brain will refuse to cut me any slack. If I know I have something that requires effort and attention, I will do the following to summon more energy:
How I Cope: Set up my oil diffuser and use lavender oil. I’m not a fan of eucalyptus, but that’s a perfect oil with peppermint to wake you up. I will drink water and eat something filling as well. The fatigue will only be enhanced by hunger and we all know that a good meal can be refreshing.

My relationship with food is improving, but I started to become too self conscious to comfortably eat in front of people, especially strangers. This made eating out with friends hard to do.
How I Cope: Sometimes, I spare myself the anxiety, but more than not, I make myself eat. I’m not saying that exposing yourself to your stressors is good or bad, but if you find that you have no choice, you can either push yourself or spare yourself.

My anxiety has gotten worse over the years, but (thanks to the physical symptoms) I am able to recognize when I get anxious. I could go on forever about my stressors and why they stress me out, but I’ll spare you the gory details and list a few.
1. Productivity
Everything about productivity stresses me out. The idea of not being productive or working too hard and burning myself out, the whole thing.
2. Perfectionism
Repeat after me: “Perfection is unachievable.” Hold onto the obsessive energy and use it for something else. Your body and psyche will thank you.
3. My Appearance
Sometimes, I’m okay with how I look. Sometimes, I feel on top of the world. Other times, I want to hide in the closet. My relationship with food doesn’t help in this case, but I swear clothes never fit me just right. Ugh.
4. My Performance
aThis pertains to school, giving and receiving criticism, and… It’s just a mess.

Any of these sound familiar to you? They should! We all struggle with this. Yes, you’re not the only one worried about the four things above. Everyone wants to produce excellent work, look their best all the time, and most people want to lead productive lives.
However, we all need to be able to tell our anxiety to go sit in a corner and keep it moving. If your anxiety is spiraling out of control and you have an attack, reach out for your friends or call a hotline. There are trained professionals who can walk you through an anxiety attack and there are countless videos on youtube that help you breathe through them. A panic attack is much more severe than an anxiety attack – trust me, you will know if you have a panic attack, but both of them are hard to go through, especially alone.
I want you to know that you are not the only person who occasionally struggles to get through your day to day life. Sometimes, you have good days, even great ones! And other days, you will want to stay home and hide. (I can’t be the only one. 😅)
If you can afford to, treat yourself to a relaxing day at home. Your brain will thank you. We’re so used to the commotion and pressures (getting good grades, maintaining our work performance, etc.) that we don’t realize how overwhelmed we are until we’re falling apart.
If you catch yourself having a moment of fear or dread, listen to yourself. If you feel your heart racing or a headache coming on, take a break. Leave the room. Decompress. Your task will still be there waiting for you.

What are your stressors? Mind sharing? Let’s talk about it!
I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day.

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