April 16th, 2020 // Status Report
I have to admit that I’ve been struggling a bit this week. Between the oversleeping and the lack of motivation for classes, I’ve fallen into a lazy routine. You could argue that I’m having a “flare up”. However, Thursdays always bring me back to life. I’ll remember my blog and needing to post, and it will grow into a reset day: a day of catching up on self care, chores, and planning out homework sessions and “me time” for the rest of the weekend.
I’m going easier on myself since there’s so much going on. I’m not looking down on myself for oversleeping and struggling to do homework. I’m telling myself, “You need the rest,” or “The assignments are piling up. No wonder you don’t want to do anything.” I let myself rest and come back to my work. Assigning time blocks during the day for homework helps.
I noticed (and I may have mentioned this already) that my brain is on from about eight am to five pm, regardless if I have a nap between classes. I’ve been slacking lately, but I’m utilizing this time for homework and for completing my to do lists. Despite my lack of motivation, I’ve been focused on homework and assignments.
You might be asking, “Uhm, how is that?”
Simply put: When I’m not doing homework, I’m thinking about homework. Yes, I’m procrastinating and thinking about what I need to be doing. I’m stressing.
So . . . I’m putting an end to it. When I lay down to nap, I focus on the fact that my brain is tired (yes, maybe too early) and that I need to recharge. I’ve started writing out my homework on sticky notes, sorting the tasks by class and prioritizing what is due first. Allowing my brain to completely shut down thoughts of homework is helping me come back to whatever is waiting for me with a fresh head.
Other than creating some structure for my days, not much has been going on. My teacher really enjoyed my vlogs – she claimed that my “authenticity shines through”, and boy, that was uplifting. I was red-hot with anxiety presenting them in class. I’d rather film, upload, and forget all about them, but I know it will get easier. I’m going to work on some more this week and settle on some content ideas. Some of them may focus on tarot and makeup, and I hope you will enjoy them. 🙂
I’ve been reflecting on my life lately, particularly last year’s events my childhood. Spending so much time in my room has led to some epiphanies. Some of them are painful. I see some journalling in my future. Maybe I will share an entry with you one day.