September 2020: My Thoughts

Bye, September . . .

Hi, everyone!

I feel like this post may be a bit whiny and I apologize in advance. September surprised me by not being the month I expected. This is completely on me, myself, and I, since I really fell off the wagon this month. I had been aiming for quite a few goals this month, and I only hit one or two of them.

My latest dilemma (along with writing and following through with my deadlines) is starting a newsletter. I don’t know why I was hit with the urge to do this, but it hit me last week and I can’t shake it. In the meantime, I’m going to be more consistent about my uploads (and following through deadlines I set for myself).

My next concern is adjusting my Patreon content. As I’ve said before, I want to upload first drafts on Patreon so you can follow my process. Now that I have a serious and intimidating project (Sins of the Sun) along with my fun Patreon project (Echoes), I found myself backpedaling out of fear. It’s been a while since I wrote a manuscript, much less one that I proudly present to others, and knowing Sins of the Sun is something I want to publish one day is why I’ve become timid. Both ideas are great, really exciting, but the wave of apprehension has paralyzed me.

With this in mind, it occurred to me that maybe I haven’t given myself as much time as I need. Writing good work takes time – constant revision, and even though I’m uploading first drafts on Patreon, I wanted Echoes to be my freebie project, one that allowed me to indulge in escapism writing.

However, I have to remember that having a week stolen from me (because I owed my body and mind some serious downtime) caused a landslide of delays and needing to readjust my schedule. The break was crucial – I needed it more than I thought, and I’m not irritated that I needed to take the week off. But a new question came to mind: “Why am I pushing myself so hard? (In a pandemic?)”

Now, you know that I attach too much of my self worth to my productivity, to results, being consistent, etc. This isn’t entirely okay – it’s good to have expectations for yourself, but given the current circumstances, maybe mine are a bit too high right now?

Here’s how my social media schedule looks:

  • A monthly summary post (like this one), once a month
  • A collective energy reading on my Patreon, once a month
  • Status reports, every other Thursday (two total)
  • A new chapter added to my Patreon projects, every other Friday (two total)
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Stay safe! ~ Taia

This seems completely doable, right? So why am I struggling? Why are my posts still late? Look at August’s goal page – it’s amazing! So many links. So many uploads. And despite the struggle, I still want to write more. Review TV shows and albums. Talk about movies and song lyrics. It’s almost a nightmare. This chaos has drifted to other areas of my life as well. Maybe that week off was more damaging than helpful.

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I can always do better next month . . . But that’s how I’m feeling about September.


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